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| Relationship |
Romance isn’t just about a box of chocolates on
Valentine’s Day. A satisfying
relationship can also make people feel happy and healthy [1]. But keep in mind
that successful relationships aren't just about rainbows and butterflies — a
healthy partnership requires communication, respect, and plenty of good habits
from both people. So when dating that special someone, avoid stalking their ex
on Facebook, keeping feelings bottled up, and splitting the double cheeseburger
every night [2] [3]. These (and 17 other) bad habits could make a great
relationship take a turn for the worse.
Save the Spark — Your Action Plan
1. Trying to improve him/her. News flash: There’s no such
thing as a perfect person, so don’t expect unrealistic changes. Reminding him
or her to make the bed is one thing, but trying to radically change shyness or
anxiety is another — and could be ignoring the underlying causes for those
issues in the first place.
2. Finding faults with the fam. The ’rents may be harder to
handle than your significant other. But even if there’s some clashing of heads,
don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can
make people feel depressed and hostile — which means some tense
holiday dinners . Besides, the situation
can’t be worse than what Gaylord went through.
3. Engaging in constant PDA. Getting it on in public can
not only make bystanders uncomfortable, it may also compensate for a lack of
real communication. Stick to hand-holding and quick kisses, and save the rest
for the bedroom (or the cell phone?).
4. Fighting in public. As if PDA weren’t bad enough.
Arguing in public can embarrass the couple and make everyone around feel
awkward, too. Talk it out in private, please.
5. Avoiding fighting. Love
isn’t all good, all the time. Disagreements are bound to happen, and arguments
can be a healthy part of a relationship.
Never having conflict may
make compromise impossible. Just don’t make fighting an all-day affair.
6. Not talking it out. If something is wrong, the other
person
probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak
up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when
they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And
don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions — positive and negative
— can benefit that bond [5].
7. Forgetting to forgive. People make mistakes, and holding
on to grudges may not only hurt a relationship — it could also cause unwanted
stress and anxiety. Sympathy may be easier to give if we realize it will
benefit
our health [6].
8. Timing discussions badly. Conversations about important
issues, like relationship expectations and financial blunders, all have their time
and place. Don’t bring up serious topics when someone’s stressed, like at the
end of the workday or right before hosting a party. Set up a time to talk when
both people are relaxed.
9. Keeping score. Sure, relationships should be about give
and take
, but don’t keep track of every little detail (For example: I
paid for the last six dinners, and you only paid for five!). It can cause
unnecessary tension.
10. Being melodramatic. No relationship is perfect. So
don’t create unnecessary drama in every scenario. If a mate forgets to take out
the garbage, there’s no need for a scene. Take a few breaths and address the
problem calmly.
11. Spying. When two people want to make it work, trust is
key [7]. Have confidence in your mate and respect their privacy: Don’t snoop
through texts, emails, or bedroom drawers. (Definitely
don’t use this!)
12. Allowing jealousy to take over. Doubting your partner
may be a symptom of a larger problem: relationship insecurity. And women who
feel insecure in their relationships may be at greater risk for health issues
like a weakened immune system [8]. Some advice for reducing envy, at least
temporarily? Stay off Facebook and other social networking sites [3].
13. Letting go. Sometimes when partners feel
too
secure with each other, they end up putting on a few pounds, possibly because
they’re less physically active [10] [11]. Try being a power couple to stay both
happy and
healthy.
14. Constantly comparing. Forget the ex and stop comparing
a current partner with a person from the past. This could lead to unrealistic
expectations.
15. Doing everything together. Everyone
needs some alone time (yep, even hopelessly devoted couples).
Solitude may even enhance
relationships,
making time together more valuable.
16. Lying. Little white lies can add up and ruin a
relationship that should be built on honesty. There is wiggle room, of course:
“Sweetie, that homemade dinner tasted
great…”
17. Not being honest with yourself. Don’t just be honest
with a companion. Stay real about what you need in order to stay satisfied. Is
a long distance relationship really worth the work? Is it okay that they’re
working
all the time?
18. Lacking self-confidence. Not feeling confident
in
a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked
to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting
active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t
forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually
cause low-self
esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.
19. Forgetting why you’re in it. Remember
to ask yourself why you two are dating, and what you want out of it. Does a
partner want to put a ring on it while you want to remain casual? Being with
someone for
the wrong reasons is one slippery slope!
20. Taking him or her for granted. Always remember why
you
love that special someone. Showing gratitude and paying attention to that good
person by your side will only make the relationship stronger .
Have you made any of these mistakes in a relationship? Tell us in the
comments below!